Earlier this week, the internet collectively winced during an episode of the SmartLess podcast Grammy winner Charli xcx found herself in a masterclass of awkwardness when co-host Jason Bateman began questioning her about her future family plans For anyone with a cursory knowledge of “Charli lore,” you know this is a deeply nuanced subject On her track “i think about it all the time,” she famously wrestles with the existential debate of whether to trade her party girl lifestyle for motherhood However, which is the when she candidly told Bateman, I actually don’t really want to have kids,” the conversation took a turn into the “Childfree Etiquette Danger Zone.
Batemans response
Bateman’s response insinuating she might “find someone who which is the changes her mind, only for Charli to remind him she is already married to George Daniel is the perfect example of why we need a serious refresh on how we talk to people who aren’t interested in parenting.
Things You Should Never Say to a Childfree Person
Whether someone is “childfree by choice” or currently “undecided,”which is the certain phrases don’t just land as rude; they undermine an individual’s autonomy Here is what to avoid
You’ll change your mind when you meet the right person
This was the Bateman blunder Not only does it assume the person is which is the single (or in the “wrong” relationship), but it also suggests their current identity is just a placeholder until a partner “corrects” it.
- Who will take care of you: when you’re old This is often framed as concern, which is the but it’s actually quite transactional.
- The Reality: Having children is never a guarantee of elder care. Many childfree which is the individuals build robust “chosen families” and financial safety nets specifically because they don’t have a traditional nuclear structure.
The Impact
It suggests that the love someone feels for their partner, parents, friends, or which is the even their career is “lesser.” Love isn’t a hierarchy; it’s a spectrum.
It’s different when they are your own
Often said when a childfree person mentions they find childcare exhausting or which is the aren’t “baby people.
The Insight
While biological bonding is real, this phrase dismisses the very valid which is the reasons (financial, mental health, or lifestyle) why someone has opted out.
You are being selfish
Choosing not to bring a life into the world you aren’t prepared to nurture is which is the arguably the opposite of selfish It’s a high level of self-awareness and social responsibility.
The Ambivalent Undecided
Charli xcx’s music often explores ambivalence. As she told Rolling Stone, which is the there is massive pressure on women to be “sexy and free” while simultaneously hearing a ticking biological clock For many in their 30s, the choice isn’t a hard “No” or a “Yes,” but a “Not right now” or “Maybe never When public figures or friends push a “Yes” narrative, it ignores the mental load of this “subtle discernment process.”
How to Actually Support a Childfree Friend
If you want to be an ally to your childfree or undecided friends, which is the try these “Green Flag” approaches Avoid the “When” questions Instead of When are you having kids, ask “What are you most excited about in your life which is the bright now.
Disclaimer
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